Mario Sunshine is getting really annoying. I don't think I can take it anymore, so I'll probably be putting it away again.

The most recent stage I tried was the "secret" in the final village. Most secret stages are those platform stages I praised earlier. This one, however, has a bunch of characters that will toss Mario if he talks to them. If you talk to them "wrong" (if you're not lined up with them correctly, or, for ones that walk back and forth, when they're in the wrong position), they'll toss you into oblivion, with no chance for you to save yourself. So, how do you know if you're doing it "wrong"? Only trial and error.

Jesus. This is the sort of stage people should be forced to play a million times in a row when they make some dumb complaint about R-Type being a memory game.



Before I forget again, I have to complain about the beginning of this game. Despite that this is clearly not a game whose story is its point, it nevertheless begins with an interminable cinema. It's like this (feel free to skip to the next paragraph when the next one becomes unbearable):

Mario, the Princess, and the gang are all flying around in their jet, about to go on vacation. They need to decide where to go. They're watching television in their jet. The television has a commerical for Dolphin (I think it's actually spelled Dolfino in the game) Island. It looks bright and sunny. But in the background of the commerical, it looks like a blue Mario is running around. The Princess says, "Oh!!" No one else seems to notice it. They decide to go to the island. They land their plane and get out. The Princess sees a blue Mario running around again. She says "Oh!!" Still no one else seems to notice. The island has been covered with paint. Mario has been seen vandalizing the island. So, Mario is arrested. There is actually a scene of Mario in a jail cell. While Mario is there, his water back pack fucking talks to him. Then there's a scene of the motherfucking trial. Mario is sentenced to clean up the island.


Holy crap, that was awful to sit through. How about this: They arrive on the island for a vacation (with no further set up), it's covered with paint, Mario decides to help just because he's a good guy. You cover the whole thing in 30 seconds rather than 10 minutes. And why not make it possible to skip it, just the same?


Jeez. Why so much needless exposition? As I said, it's not like the game is about its story. This story is not developed as the game goes on. Okay, would it surprise you to know that that imposter Mario was actually a Koopa? Or that the Princess ends up captured? While very cliche, that's still better motivation for Mario to go on his quest than the stupid "sentenced to clean up the island" garbage. First, beyond a few stages at the beginning, most of the stage goals don't have anything to do with cleaning up the island (thank goodness). That motivation disappears very quickly. Second, that the islanders are so likely to convict an innocent person makes them seem like assholes that don't deserve Mario's help.


I've argued before that stories in games can be a good thing, but a lot of games are making me feel stupid for taking up that position. An aphorism that occured to me was "Time convinces better than arguments". I guess I'd still say that stories in games can be a good thing, in principle, but they very rarely are. Most often, they're so bad, and cinemas in modern games can be so long, boring, and pointless, that I think games would be better off without them.

"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."
-Orwell