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So, Cracked is having a contest to make MS Paint pictures depicting history as drawn by a 5 year old. I submitted three entires.







My problem is that I always try to do things differently, even to the degree of stretching the rules, or making a joke that is only comprehensible to me.

Most people's joke, aside from "5 year olds can't draw", is "5 year olds misunderstand words."

I was trying to think back to when I actually was 5 years old. What did I draw back then?

The basic joke behind all of these boils down to the same thing: When given an assignment to draw something, kids will draw whatever the hell they want instead.

Hence, Isaac Newton randomly having his penis exposed. (Superbad reminded us of this, but if you think back, you must remember SOME kid who drew penises all the time)

The second one was inspired by my brother. He had an assignment once to finish Martin Luther King's, "I have a dream...." He finished, "... that there will be no more guns." The one single reason he wrote that was so he would have an excuse to draw guns all over the paper.

I also remembered that I (and maybe every kid, I don't know) would draw muscles not by drawing, say, actual muscles like biceps, but making them bigger, but rather by drawing many muscles, all over.

However, one thing I didn't incorporate was when I was a kid, I used to draw Star Wars stuff on everything. I got a Gulliver's Travel's coloring book? Yeah, maybe Gulliver can meet Darth Vader and the Death Star.

Then I realized, I approached both of those drawings from the perspective of a little boy. What about a little girl? I think they do the same thing, but they have a tendency to be more careful, and, frankly, skilled at drawing their interests than little boys. But when there's something they can't be bothered to draw, like the actual supposed subject of the picture, they dash it off carelessly.

I can't draw in MS Paint at all, so I had to break the rules and draw it on paper. But I looked carefully at the rules, and it said the drawings were supposed to simulate a kid using crayons, so I convinced myself it was okay.


One challenge with the first two was to draw badly, yet still well enough to have some details "read" so you know what's supposed to be going on. (Most people just put explanatory words on their drawings -- like someone else said, kids don't do that).